My Friends Are Dumb: The Matriarch

I'm not very good at taking vacations. And as with most of my adult inadequacies, I blame this at least in part on my upbringing. When I was a kid, we only ever took the same two trips each year, one over spring break to visit my grandparents in New Smyrna Beach, Florida, and another … Continue reading My Friends Are Dumb: The Matriarch

My Friends are Dumb: Short & Sassy

When I first graduated college, I was clearly ill-equipped to take on the adult world. A random corporate recruiter might have looked at my resume and said, "Why, you graduated from a prestigious business school...with a fantastic GPA, lovely...and wow, looks like you were pretty active on campus...and what a *strong* Christian name. *Thomas*. You … Continue reading My Friends are Dumb: Short & Sassy

My Friends are Dumb: A Defeated Ravens Fan

I used to care *far* more about sports than I do today. As a child, the cosmos and my parents' genetic material paired up to play something of a cruel genealogical prank on me, inciting me to love athletic competition, while providing me the stature and hand-eye-coordination of a particularly inebriated lemur. To compensate for … Continue reading My Friends are Dumb: A Defeated Ravens Fan

My Friends are Dumb: “Man’s Best Friend”

When I was a wee chonky lad, there was nothing I wanted more in life than to have a dog. Oh sure, I had gerbils growing up, which served as a loosely passable replacement. Incidentally, their names were Harry and Marshmallow: Harry, because I was something of a Harry Potter fanatic, and Marshmallow because he … Continue reading My Friends are Dumb: “Man’s Best Friend”

My Friends Are Dumb: Tops & Bottoms

I've always had a certain fondness for reading, and when I was a very young child there were two books in particular that I was most enamored with. The first was a book called "The Story of Ferdinand". It was a delightful story about a young, socially maladjusted bull that spent his time smelling flowers … Continue reading My Friends Are Dumb: Tops & Bottoms