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Sad Millennial Dating: Personality Chameleon Pt. 2

When I was a child, I did not like myself much. And while sad, I don't think this was a wildly unreasonable stance for pre-pubescent Tom to take. An almost irrational love of saturated fats and Skittles had transformed a once promising Irish Catholic athlete of middling height, talent, and ambition into a meaty little … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: Personality Chameleon Pt. 2

Sad Millennial Dating: Margaritas

As much as public school curriculum might have you believe otherwise, simply knowing a lot of facts does not make one intelligent. Having a working understanding of the French Revolution or a passing knowledge of cellular construction (#Mitochondria #ThePowerhouseOfTheCell), while impressive, is about as indicative of a high IQ as one's ability to run fast … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: Margaritas

Sad Millennial Dating: Dates From the Crypt, Pt. 1

The last date I went on prior to the COVID pandemic was...not great. Not great is, of course, a relative term. In fact, what typically qualifies as "average" for another person, actually qualifies as well above expectations for me. What is typically a "below average" date for a more refined and genteel bachelor, would likely … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: Dates From the Crypt, Pt. 1

Sad Millennial Dating: Ghosting

A few weeks back, I went out to dinner with some friends. Ever since society at large began treating COVID-19 as nothing more than a bygone nightmare that we all finally woke up from (*Kisses forehead gently and buries death toll statistics under pillow*), I've been trying to make up for lost time. This dinner … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: Ghosting

Sad Millennial Dating: My Troubling Standards

I would not consider myself to be the most desirable of suitors. I do not have a wide array of unique and interesting hobbies to talk to. I work a boring corporate job. My wardrobe is as unvaried as it is unappealing, consisting entirely of one pair of *intentionally holey* jeans and two *less intentionally … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: My Troubling Standards

Sad Millennial Dating: Dating App Conversations

I would not define myself as an exceptionally gifted conversationalist. For starters, I only ever loosely pay attention to what other people are telling me. Usually when Carol is going on about her day and that one neighbor who *just won't close his curtains!* my mind is squarely in the year 1455, caught in an … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: Dating App Conversations

Sad Millennial Dating: Personality Chameleon

I am not particularly committed to my own personality. That's not to say I think there's anything specifically wrong with it. I've been told it's mildly humorous, unflinchingly passable in most social interactions, characterized by an above average adherence to basic moral principles, and is all-around mostly tolerable by the vast majority of people. I … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: Personality Chameleon

Sad Millennial Dating: We’re All Unoriginal

Let's start out today's post with a movie premise you are all likely familiar with. The year is 1993. The Buffalo Bills have just lost their 3rd consecutive Super Bowl, Bill Clinton has recently ascended into the oval office where he will soon move agilely to bring gay rights in the military to its knees … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: We’re All Unoriginal

Sad Millennial Dating: Trolling as a Coping Mechanism

When I was a child, I had something of a fondness for food. Cheeseburgers, cakes, ice cream, and pizza alike all fell before the voracious wrath of my impatient mouth and insatiable appetite. At the time, it was said that I could wield a fork like (an admittedly smaller, tubbier) Inigo Montoya, and brandish a … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: Trolling as a Coping Mechanism