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A Day in the Life: Nocturnal Struggles

There are many things in this world that I'm not particularly great at. Cutting in a straight line, for example. I had a kindergarten teacher back in the day who took such umbrage at my inability to snip along a straight, perforated line that she attempted to hold me back for a year, such that … Continue reading A Day in the Life: Nocturnal Struggles

My Friends Are Dumb: The Matriarch

I'm not very good at taking vacations. And as with most of my adult inadequacies, I blame this at least in part on my upbringing. When I was a kid, we only ever took the same two trips each year, one over spring break to visit my grandparents in New Smyrna Beach, Florida, and another … Continue reading My Friends Are Dumb: The Matriarch

My Friends are Dumb: Short & Sassy

When I first graduated college, I was clearly ill-equipped to take on the adult world. A random corporate recruiter might have looked at my resume and said, "Why, you graduated from a prestigious business school...with a fantastic GPA, lovely...and wow, looks like you were pretty active on campus...and what a *strong* Christian name. *Thomas*. You … Continue reading My Friends are Dumb: Short & Sassy

A Day in the Life: A “Literal” Day

After a few weeks of waxing poetic on the wildly uninteresting inadequacies in my life, I've come to the realization that I've never actually detailed a full *Typical* day in my life. Stories and colorful anecdotes, while entertaining, only provide glimpses into reality. It's like only looking at photos from that trip you took last … Continue reading A Day in the Life: A “Literal” Day

Sad Millennial Dating: Dates From the Crypt, Pt. 1

The last date I went on prior to the COVID pandemic was...not great. Not great is, of course, a relative term. In fact, what typically qualifies as "average" for another person, actually qualifies as well above expectations for me. What is typically a "below average" date for a more refined and genteel bachelor, would likely … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: Dates From the Crypt, Pt. 1

Fears & Existential Crises: Boredom

As an adult, I do not play a lot of video games. But of course, like every other person during the first two months of the COVID lockdown, I bought myself a Nintendo Switch, hoping that the blinking lights and surreal simulations could create an illusion of companionship and frivolity *for just a moment*. While … Continue reading Fears & Existential Crises: Boredom

Sad Millennial Dating: Ghosting

A few weeks back, I went out to dinner with some friends. Ever since society at large began treating COVID-19 as nothing more than a bygone nightmare that we all finally woke up from (*Kisses forehead gently and buries death toll statistics under pillow*), I've been trying to make up for lost time. This dinner … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: Ghosting

My Friends are Dumb: A Defeated Ravens Fan

I used to care *far* more about sports than I do today. As a child, the cosmos and my parents' genetic material paired up to play something of a cruel genealogical prank on me, inciting me to love athletic competition, while providing me the stature and hand-eye-coordination of a particularly inebriated lemur. To compensate for … Continue reading My Friends are Dumb: A Defeated Ravens Fan

A Day in the Life: The Last Unicorn (Tom Talks Books ep. 1)

Unicorns are objectively one of the coolest mythological animals in (hypothetical) existence. There are a lot of bitter naysayers out there who disagree. In their callous hearts and myopic worldview, they hazard to toss out such misguided phrases as "It's literally just a magical horse with a horn on its head". To which I say, … Continue reading A Day in the Life: The Last Unicorn (Tom Talks Books ep. 1)