When I was a child, I did not like myself much. And while sad, I don't think this was a wildly unreasonable stance for pre-pubescent Tom to take. An almost irrational love of saturated fats and Skittles had transformed a once promising Irish Catholic athlete of middling height, talent, and ambition into a meaty little … Continue reading Personality Chameleon Pt. 2
The Scientist
As a child, my friends and family would often call me “stubborn.” Which, to be fair, was among the least hurtful of the other painfully accurate things they would call me; a list that included Tub-Tub, Lemon Puss, Tommy (“I’m 9, please stop referring to me by such a childish name”), and Fatty-Fatty-Fat-Fat - a … Continue reading The Scientist
The Canker Sore
“Listen, we all die. And nothing you did is going to speed that process up for yourself or anyone else. It’ll be fine.” While probably not the most comforting words to hear at the workplace, I will stand by their accuracy. Plus, empathy is all in the delivery. But let’s take a step back. As … Continue reading The Canker Sore
The Fool
With wine-flecked motley Bells keening 'neath wilted cap The Fool takes his leave
A Poem from a San Antonio Air BnB
The sign on the toilet says Not to flush the toilet paper But to throw it in the trash instead I flush it just the same In order there is anarchy Distress And the trash The cause of my anxiety Shall instead be a receptacle for my discontent For in order there is distress Anarchy … Continue reading A Poem from a San Antonio Air BnB
A Day in Haikus
I stare at the back Of my gossamer eyelids As sleep eludes me The ceiling fan spins Above my prostrate body As I face the dawn The taste of last night's Bourbon still sticks to my tongue Colgate, please help me Coffee and silence The highlight of a morning Soon to go to hell Within … Continue reading A Day in Haikus
My Troubling Standards
I would not consider myself to be the most desirable of suitors. I do not have a wide array of unique and interesting hobbies to talk to. I work a boring corporate job. My wardrobe is as unvaried as it is unappealing, consisting entirely of one pair of *intentionally holey* jeans and two *less intentionally … Continue reading My Troubling Standards
Personality Chameleon
I am not particularly committed to my own personality. That's not to say I think there's anything specifically wrong with it. I've been told it's mildly humorous, unflinchingly passable in most social interactions, characterized by an above average adherence to basic moral principles, and is all-around mostly tolerable by the vast majority of people. I … Continue reading Personality Chameleon
An Introduction
Hello. My name is Tom. And it's lovely to meet you. If you've somehow stumbled upon this blog, it means you are either one of my three (totally real) friends, or a Russian Bot account that followed me over from my prior blog (Igor2452385ugh34 - you will always be family. You have no idea how … Continue reading An Introduction
The Existential Wannabe 