When I was a child, I did not like myself much. And while sad, I don't think this was a wildly unreasonable stance for pre-pubescent Tom to take. An almost irrational love of saturated fats and Skittles had transformed a once promising Irish Catholic athlete of middling height, talent, and ambition into a meaty little … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: Personality Chameleon Pt. 2
A Day in the Life: Goodbye, Seamus
You would not *believe* the effort I put in to get you. I had spent my entire childhood being told by mom that we couldn't get a dog ("allergies", I guess. Right.) But when I was a freshman in high school, our grandpa had just passed. And I think all of us needed someone new … Continue reading A Day in the Life: Goodbye, Seamus
A Day in the Life: A Poem from a San Antonio Air BnB
The sign on the toilet says Not to flush the toilet paper But to throw it in the trash instead I flush it just the same In order there is anarchy Distress And the trash The cause of my anxiety Shall instead be a receptacle for my discontent For in order there is distress Anarchy … Continue reading A Day in the Life: A Poem from a San Antonio Air BnB
A Day in the Life: A Day in Haikus
I stare at the back Of my gossamer eyelids As sleep eludes me The ceiling fan spins Above my prostrate body As I face the dawn The taste of last night's Bourbon still sticks to my tongue Colgate, please help me Coffee and silence The highlight of a morning Soon to go to hell Within … Continue reading A Day in the Life: A Day in Haikus
Sad Millennial Dating: Margaritas
As much as public school curriculum might have you believe otherwise, simply knowing a lot of facts does not make one intelligent. Having a working understanding of the French Revolution or a passing knowledge of cellular construction (#Mitochondria #ThePowerhouseOfTheCell), while impressive, is about as indicative of a high IQ as one's ability to run fast … Continue reading Sad Millennial Dating: Margaritas
A Day in the Life: Nocturnal Struggles
There are many things in this world that I'm not particularly great at. Cutting in a straight line, for example. I had a kindergarten teacher back in the day who took such umbrage at my inability to snip along a straight, perforated line that she attempted to hold me back for a year, such that … Continue reading A Day in the Life: Nocturnal Struggles
My Friends Are Dumb: The Matriarch
I'm not very good at taking vacations. And as with most of my adult inadequacies, I blame this at least in part on my upbringing. When I was a kid, we only ever took the same two trips each year, one over spring break to visit my grandparents in New Smyrna Beach, Florida, and another … Continue reading My Friends Are Dumb: The Matriarch
Corporate America Update: Cubicle Decorations
When I am at work, I do not like being reminded that I have a life outside of it. This is for a few reasons. The first is that I don't actually *have* a life outside of work, and dwelling on that fact brings me a level of sadness that can only otherwise be achieved … Continue reading Corporate America Update: Cubicle Decorations
My Friends are Dumb: Short & Sassy
When I first graduated college, I was clearly ill-equipped to take on the adult world. A random corporate recruiter might have looked at my resume and said, "Why, you graduated from a prestigious business school...with a fantastic GPA, lovely...and wow, looks like you were pretty active on campus...and what a *strong* Christian name. *Thomas*. You … Continue reading My Friends are Dumb: Short & Sassy
A Day in the Life: A “Literal” Day
After a few weeks of waxing poetic on the wildly uninteresting inadequacies in my life, I've come to the realization that I've never actually detailed a full *Typical* day in my life. Stories and colorful anecdotes, while entertaining, only provide glimpses into reality. It's like only looking at photos from that trip you took last … Continue reading A Day in the Life: A “Literal” Day
The Existential Wannabe 